


Say Something

by shions_heart



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6715612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shions_heart/pseuds/shions_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma doesn't expect much to change after Kuroo leaves for university. It's only a couple hours away by train, and they can easily keep in contact.</p><p>But things do change, and Kenma begins to realize just how much Kuroo means to him.</p><p>So he goes after him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> Happy KuroKen Day!

Kenma doesn't cry when Kuroo leaves for university. It's only a couple hours away by train, and it's not like there isn't texting and Skype to keep in touch daily. Kuroo's already promised to check in every night, and to visit when he can on the weekends. Kenma doesn't expect much to change.

Of course Kuroo worries. As they stand on the train platform with his parents, he takes Kenma's shoulders in his hands and looks down at him squarely.

"Remember to eat. Set your alarm so you don’t forget."

"I know."

"And don't use your phone or PSP when you walk around. I'm not going to be there to pull you around poles and trashcans."

"I know."

"I bought you an extra charger and put it in your bag. Keep it in there so you always have it."

"Okay." Kenma sighs, rolling his eyes to the side.

"Sorry," Kuroo says, sheepishly, dropping his hands. "It's just . . . going to be weird not being here to look after you."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know," Kuroo admits, rubbing the back of his neck. He drops it then to pinch Kenma's cheek. "You've grown up so much."

He grins, as Kenma smacks his arm away. "Shut up," he mutters, his cheeks feeling warm.

Kuroo turns to embrace his mom and dad once more, and Kenma hangs back. He kind of wants to hug Kuroo, but with so many people around he feels self-conscious. Instead, he grips the cuffs of his Nekoma jacket in his fists, staring at the train in front of him, while Kuroo's mom squeezes his face and reminds him to sleep and eat well.

"No overworking yourself," she tells him.

"I won't, Okaasan, don’t worry," Kuroo says, grinning at her.

Kenma thinks that's rich, coming from him, but doesn't say so. The train whistles, the announcement over the intercom stating the departure time. They have five minutes.

Kuroo turns once more to him and hesitates. Kenma wonders if he wants to hug him too. He braces himself for it, but in the end, all he does is reach forward and tug gently on the ends of Kenma's hair.

"Don't miss me too much."

"I won't," is Kenma's immediate response, annoyed though not entirely sure why.

Kuroo grins. "You know you will."

"I won't."

"You will."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will."

Kenma huffs, lifting his eyes to glare up at Kuroo, who simply smiles down at him. Kenma's chest tightens, and he ducks his head quickly. His heart is pounding strangely fast, and he feels Kuroo's warm breath disturb his hair next to his ear.

"I'll miss you too," he says quietly, with complete sincerity.

Kenma's ears burn, but when he looks up, Kuroo's already boarding the train.

He rides back with Kuroo's parents, who picked him up earlier. Halfway to his house, his phone buzzes. He pulls it out of his pocket to see the text.

 **Kuro**  
_Missing you already_

_> >you literally just left_

**Kuro**  
_I know . . ._

Kenma quickly exits out of the text screen, pulling up a game instead. Kuroo's a sap, always has been. It doesn't mean anything. His chest aches, but he ignores it. He'll be fine. Kuroo's only going to be a couple hours away. And it's not like he doesn't have other friends.

Not much has to change.

 

 

 

 

Many things change.

Kenma notices right away.

For one thing, he's chosen as captain of the volleyball team, which isn't at all what he wanted. Thankfully, as vice-captain, Taketora positions himself as supreme senpai and keeps all the new first years in line so Kenma doesn't have to deal with them. It's a relief, and while Lev can still be annoying at times, he's calmed down somewhat. Sou is happy to be back as a starter, and he makes things fun for the first years with his enthusiasm during practice, getting them hyped up and energized.

The gym is loud, almost chaotic at times, but Kenma finds he can escape by hiding behind Shouhei and Yuuki, who both take it upon themselves to be his bodyguards of sorts, standing between him and the over-eager first years tripping over themselves to win the captain's favor.

"You'd think they'd be scared of Yamamoto-san, but they're really intimidated by you," Yuuki exclaims one day.

 _Good,_ Kenma thinks, hoping that'll keep them at a distance.

Despite this, he does his best to be a good captain. If not for the sport itself, for his teammates and for Kuroo's legacy. He goes over strategies with Taketora and Shouhei, he offers suggestions during practice, and he even shows the new setter a few techniques, doing his best to ignore the starry-eyed look on the first year's face.

It's exhausting work, and Kenma often finds himself texting Kuroo for advice. He always responds promptly, but it's not the same as having him there. Kenma soon comes to notice the gap his absence leaves. His side feels empty, as he rides the train to school. He sets his bag on the seat beside him, in order to keep others at bay, and the one time a college student asked to sit there during rush hour, Kenma nearly had a heart attack.

He forgets to eat some days, and he runs into a trashcan twice the first week since Kuroo's departure. It's not that they don’t text, they do all the time. Sometimes there's gaps between the messages (when Kenma's at practice or Kuroo's in class), but they maintain contact daily. Kuroo offers suggestions on how to handle the new team members, and Kenma patiently reads through all of Kuroo's complaints about his schedule and coursework and classmates.

But it's not the same.

He misses Kuroo's laugh, even his ridiculous one. He misses opening his front door every day to see Kuroo waiting for him to take the train to school together. He misses the sight of Kuroo's ridiculous bed head. He even misses the embarrassing Nekoma chant before practice games.

His chest aches most nights, knowing he won't be seeing Kuroo the next day. He tells himself he's being stupid, that he'll see Kuroo in a few weeks when things have settled down at university, and he has time to visit during the weekend.

It's not soon enough.

He's managing fine on his own; he doesn't need Kuroo to hold his hand. That's what he tells himself, and it's true. He is managing. But that doesn't change the fact that Kuroo is his best friend.

And he misses him.

 

 

 

 

The last straw occurs when Kuroo has to cancel his weekend plans to visit. Apparently his classmates are "incompetent" and "don't understand the meaning of the word 'team'" and he has to spend his weekend working on the majority of a group project. Kenma's pretty sure he hates Kuroo's classmates. If it were him, he'd blow them off completely; let them scramble to finish their parts of the project the night before it's due. But of course Kuroo would never leave people floundering like that.

He's too kind.

When Kenma finds out, he's angry. Kuroo apologizes profusely, sending him a wall of text talking about how they'll do something special the next time he's free, that he'll make it up to him, that he'll buy him all the new games that have come out recently. Kenma sits and glares down at his phone, not responding.

Instead, he pockets his phone and stuffs his backpack full of games, his PSP, and his 3DS. He borrows money from his mom, promising to pay her back, and gets a train ticket to Kuroo's university.

The ride isn't difficult, as he keeps his face buried in his PSP and ignores everyone around him. He doesn't like the smell of the guy next to him (his cologne is much too strong), but his irritation just fuels his determination to make it to Kuroo. The pamphlets in his backpack make him feel only a little guilty; something has to change.

He's not putting up with this anymore.

The Tokyo University of Science is huge. As soon as Kenma sets foot on campus he wants to leave. It's different. The air is different. The vibe is different. Kenma doesn't understand why Kuroo needs to be all the way out here in Saitama, when there's a University of Science right at the heart of Tokyo. He files that away to bring up later.

Keeping his head bowed, he makes his way toward the dormitories with quick steps, making sure to avoid eye contact with anyone. He's still wearing his Nekoma jacket, even though he's in casual clothes. He's sure everyone is wondering what a high school student is doing way out here. He can practically hear their whispers. His neck burns, and he walks faster.

He knows Kuroo's room number from his mom, but he can't find the elevators which means he has to take the stairs. Despite playing volleyball more often, he's winded when he reaches the correct floor. His heart is pounding rapidly in his chest, which doesn't help his nerves. The prospect of seeing Kuroo after so long also tightens his chest, making it even more difficult to breathe. He knows it's only been a month, but it feels like years.

Bringing his fist up, he hesitates before knocking rapidly on the door. He holds his breath, hoping it's not one of Kuroo's roommates who answers.

The door opens, and there is Kuroo, blinking at him in surprise. He's wearing an old shirt with a stupid chemistry joke on it, and his draw-string pajama pants are riding low on his hips. He looks like he either just woke up or stayed up all night studying. Kenma wouldn't be surprised either way.

"Kenma?" he says hesitantly. He lifts his gaze to look around the hallway, his eyebrows rising. "Did you come here all by yourself?"

Kenma nods. "I don't like trains."

"I know," Kuroo says, sounding impressed. He tilts his head then, his expression growing concerned. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

Kenma swings his backpack off his shoulder, reaching inside to pull out the pamphlets. He holds them out to Kuroo without a word. He takes them slowly, his worry shifting to confusion. "These are universities in downtown Tokyo?"

"Everything is wrong. You need to come back," Kenma says firmly. "They have chemistry departments." He nods to the pamphlets.

Kuroo lowers them to his side. "Not as good as the one they have here. I explained this to you already, Kenma. I know it's kind of far, but it's not that bad. I promised I'd come visit."

"You haven't."

"I _will_ , I've just been busy."

"These universities are better." He reaches out to tug on the pamphlets. "You can live at home. Help coach volleyball. You love volleyball," he adds, hoping that would help persuade him. He can feel the corners of his eyes burning, but he keeps his gaze fixed on the pamphlets in Kuroo's hand.

"Kenma . . ."

"Things are wrong. You need to fix it." Kenma curls his hands into fists, struggling to keep his voice calm. "You have to come back and fix things. I don't like them. They're wrong."

His voice breaks on the last word. He shakes his head, trying to stay composed. Kuroo sighs, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Kenma and pull him into a close hug. Kenma clings to him, shuddering, curling his fingers into Kuroo's shirt.

"I miss you too," Kuroo says softly.

"I don't _need_ you," Kenma insists, even as he clutches Kuroo tighter. "I can take care of myself."

Kuroo's hand moves up to stroke his head gently. "I know."

"I'm not a kid anymore. I don't need you to protect me from anything."

"I know."

Kuroo pushes him away gently, looking down into his face. He reaches up, brushing the back of his finger against Kenma's cheek, wiping away a stray tear. Kenma's chest spasms, and he doesn't relinquish his hold on Kuroo's shirt.

"But things feel wrong. There's . . . emptiness. I don't like it." Kenma shakes his head quickly.

Kuroo smiles faintly. "It's just because I've been a constant in your life for so long. You'll get used to it."

Kenma frowns, pouting. "I don't _want_ to get used to it."

Kuroo bends to kiss his forehead gently. "I know."

Kenma's face flushes, but he doesn't look away. Surely there has to be some way he can convince Kuroo to come home. He reaches up, curving one hand behind the back of Kuroo's neck and tugging him down abruptly. He rises up on his toes, kissing him directly on the mouth. Kuroo makes a noise of surprise and leans back, eyes wide.

"Kenma, what are you doing?"

Kenma blinks back at him. "You want that, don't you?"

Kuroo stares at him, stunned. "How did you . . ." He runs his hand through his hair, taking a step back. "Kenma, you can't use something like that to try to get your way. It's not fair." He shakes his head, frowning faintly.

"What if I want it too?" Kenma asks quickly.

"Do you?" Kuroo challenges, giving him a skeptical look.

Kenma's heart is pounding rapidly in his chest. He mind feels thin, dozens of thoughts slipping through cracks. He isn't sure if he wants that type of relationship with Kuroo. To be honest, he's never seriously thought about it. But then again, he always thought Kuroo would be there beside him regardless. He never entertained the idea that there'd be a growing distance between them. He never stopped to imagine what it would be like if Kuroo wasn't there.

And now he knows. And he hates it.

He wants to bridge that gap; he wants to pull Kuroo close again. He wants him to return to his side, where he belongs. Where Kenma wants him to belong.

"I don't want you to leave," Kenma admits quietly, turning his gaze toward the floor. "It . . . hurts too much."

He wishes he was better with words. He wishes he didn't feel so self-conscious around his own best friend. It's an unfamiliar feeling, and he doesn't like it. Why can't he just say what he feels?

 _I love you; I think I might be in love with you, and I don't want to be parted from you. I'm sorry it took me so long to come around._ That's what he should've told Kuroo before he left. Maybe then he would've stayed. Maybe then he wouldn't be stuck here staring at the ground feeling like a boulder is sitting on his chest.

"Kenma, look at me."

Kenma tightens his lips, shifting his eyes to the side. He doesn't want to hear Kuroo tell him it's too late. He knows it is. He waited too long to figure things out.

"Kenma."

He wants to run away. He's seriously considering it, but then Kuroo places his hand under Kenma's chin, forcing his head up. His expression is gentle, kind, and Kenma almost starts crying again (not that he was crying in the first place).

"This is only temporary," Kuroo says. "Once I finish this project, I'll be home for the weekend. I'll come home for every holiday. I'll take you out or we can stay in. We can spend the entire time together, if you want. I'm not _leaving_ you. I'm still here. You haven't lost me, okay? I'm here."

He reaches down to take Kenma's hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "Come on. My roommate's out. I can push my project to tonight. Tell me about Nekoma. Is Lev still driving you crazy?"

Kenma allows Kuroo to lead him into the room. Kuroo kicks the door shut before setting the pamphlets down on a desk. He pulls Kenma over to the bed, sitting down on it and scooting back so his back is against the wall. Kenma drops his backpack onto the floor, climbing up to sit beside him. After a moment's consideration, however, he moves instead to sit in Kuroo's lap.

Kuroo pauses only briefly before wrapping both arms around him and holding him close. Kenma leans against his chest, neck and ears burning, keeping his face hidden behind his hair. He answers Kuroo's questions about Nekoma succinctly, his heart still beating a static rhythm against his ribs. As they talk, he gathers the courage to pick up Kuroo's hand, playing with his fingers absently. They're long, strong, calloused. Kenma's felt this hand on his back, his shoulder, his head. He tries not to wonder what it'd feel like other places.

The hours drift by. Kuroo runs out at some point to get food, and when he comes back they watch One Punch Man on Kuroo's laptop (for the irony, he said). Kenma shows him the new game he bought, and as the sun begins to sink in the sky he knows he's stalling. The last train back home will be leaving soon, and he still needs to catch a bus back to the station.

Kuroo notices the late time eventually. "I have to start working on my project," he says reluctantly. "But . . . you can spend the night, if you want. And I'll go with you to the train tomorrow."

Kenma nods, and Kuroo stands to grab a shirt from the closet. He tosses it to Kenma, who starts to strip out of his day clothes. He doesn't miss the faint flush of pink that colors Kuroo's cheekbones, before he turns away and begins setting up his desk area to work. Once Kenma's in just Kuroo's shirt, he climbs into the bed with his PSP. Lying down, he starts his game, but finds himself glancing frequently over to where Kuroo sits hunched over his coursework.

He doesn't want to leave in the morning. Being here with Kuroo soothed the ache in his chest, but he knows it's only going to return and with more intensity. When will he get to see him again? Will he ever get the chance to show Kuroo how he truly feels? He doesn't want to have any more regrets.

Turning off his PSP, he stands and steps over to Kuroo's chair. He lingers beside him, looking down at the equations and words that make little sense to him. When Kuroo notices his presence, he looks up, frowning slightly.

"Kenma?"

Kenma straddles the chair, settling in Kuroo's lap. He wraps his arms around Kuroo's neck, kissing his lips softly. Kuroo can tell this is different from the first time. His hands are trembling, as they lay against Kenma's hips.

"Kenma," he says shakily, as Kenma moves his lips from Kuroo's to his nose, his cheek, his temple, his forehead, peppering his face with small, tiny kisses. "Kenma, I have . . . my coursework."

"Do it tomorrow," Kenma murmurs, catching Kuroo's earlobe between his teeth and giving it a slow suck.

"K-Kenma." Kuroo twitches beneath him. He presses in against Kenma's hips, forcing him back slightly in order to look at his face. He studies his expression, a tiny frown wrinkling his brow.

Kenma stares back at him, biting his lip and hoping Kuroo understands why he wants to do this. He might not necessarily need Kuroo to care for him, to watch out for him, to protect him like he's the same helpless child he was in the past, but he _wants_ him. It's different. It's a longing deep inside him. A desire so strong his chest _aches_. Kuroo is his constant, his north star, his home. Being parted from him hurts so badly . . . Kenma wants an assurance. He wants to know that they're truly bound to one another, despite the distance.

He wants Kuroo to know how much he loves him.

"This will change things, between us," Kuroo warns him carefully.

"I know," Kenma says calmly, meeting his gaze.

Kuroo inhales slowly. "Okay. Okay, but if we're going to do this, we're going to do it right."

He stands, and Kenma clings to him, as Kuroo carries him back over to the bed. He lays him down gently, hovering above him. Kenma's skin feels hot, and his heart continues to pound rapidly, but he isn't afraid. The look in Kuroo's eyes can only be described as love; pure, simple adoration.

Kenma hopes Kuroo can see that same look in his own eyes.

He hopes his actions tonight speak louder and clearer about his feelings than any words he could say.

And he hopes that they'll be able to continue on like this, together, far into the future.

Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> http://shions-heart.tumblr.com/


End file.
